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Wife at home & lover on the side
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:20 PM

Wife at home & lover on the side - Am I being a prude or is it O.K. to be married with children, whilst keeping a lover on the side? It almost seems as if people live two lives when they work on boats, there is the seafarer lifestyle on one side and the shore side lifestyle on the other. I have heard of open relationships where people mutually agree to physical relationships with people outside their marriage, but blatantly taking on a lover and keeping it from your spouse is immoral to me. Again, am I a prude or is this acceptable when you work away for long periods of time?

Rusty Wrench
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 8:35 PM
Joined: 21/09/2010
Posts: 207

Er, um, yes, you are a prude. Get on with yer job. The wife/mistress lifestyle will come to an end eventually and the individual who is playing both fields will invariably end up with naught.
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 11:32 PM
Joined: 02/04/2010
Posts: 19

Whatever floats your boat. What works for you won't work for someone else and vice-versa. When it comes to personal morality issues such as this one there never is a definitive answer. I personally try my best and steer clear of it hurts who's around you, lowers your self-esteem and makes you all-around less happy. Love is always a bit of a guessing game, or a try-and-see...

Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 6:15 PM
...ahem totally ok with it and cheers (for the most part self esteem is fine and as far as I kno the old "loose lips sink sh.." saying only refers to TALKING (so SHUT UP!)
Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 6:46 PM
REALLY? Who cares. We are not living in the 50's anymore. However someone chooses to live their life is their choice. Find something more important to talk about.

Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 6:56 PM
Here's an old toast to you. "May wives and girlfriends never meet...Cheers!
Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 7:15 PM
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 1061

I really don't see it being more on boats than the rest of the population and may even be less as less of the boat population percentage is married.

Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 7:20 PM
Captains never play with the crew..ever..professional Captains keep their very close relations with crew, professional always. I am the 'old man' always here to help never to abuse trust. If a Captain is hitting on his crew, slap the bas8ard! and get him fired. sleasebag Catpains are a bygone past..
Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 7:54 PM
I cant believe this is even a topic. First of all its none of your business what others do unless it directly involves you. Second do you have blinders on when you view the world? Its everywhere you look. It has nothing to do with being a yachtie. Running out of beer at a party is Immoral but its not a topic on this site....cmon people step it up a little on the topics.
Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 8:33 PM
Joined: 16/03/2010
Posts: 1

..... dont do whatever is wrong to be done on you .....

Posted: Friday, October 15, 2010 9:42 PM
Joined: 19/10/2008
Posts: 38

This subject is important and needs to be talked about, the fiber of the crew is at stake Plus the safety of a good team/crew. When you need an honest person and someone to depend on....who do you pick??? If persons can not keep their private lives to themselves....what are they saying about you to other listeners, like bar tenders, crooks, cops, maybe other crew members or even your family, ect. Not a lot a room on board for a con artist. The "GOLDEN RULE", will take you a long way!
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 12:28 AM
Joined: 27/08/2009
Posts: 1

Well said, captpage! Honesty and integrity DO count. Affairs, particularly among crew rarely, if ever, come to a satisfactory end. Someone always gets hurt feelings and it's been my experience, you'll lose at least one or likely two crew. Not worth it to me. Just my 2 cents worth.
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 2:33 AM
Joined: 20/01/2009
Posts: 4

The 5 Secrets to a Perfect Relationship ... 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job. 2. It's important have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 9:15 AM
Joined: 20/01/2010
Posts: 4

There must be far too many crew with far too much time on their this really a topic that we professional crew, need to discuss? Surely we are better than this. Lets get on with being professionals.....
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 3:43 PM
True Seamen Should have a girlfriend in every port! I cant stand the same women for more than 3 months. [removed by modertor] Who needs a wife anyway!
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 5:39 PM
Joined: 17/06/2008
Posts: 70

I have a wife and two kids at home; they are in my heart and mind 24/7.----- Everything I do is about the family unit and considering any action that would hurt or damage the trust and love we share never enters my mind. -----It is no longer about me, it is about what I have created with my wife and children. -----There is no question, that marriage is more difficult then single life. ----- Happily married people consider how their actions affect others and seek approval whenever there is desire for something new or unusual. ----- An open marriage is not about free love or sensual fantasy it is about open and honest communication. ------ Where open and honest communication leads is purely up to those within the marriage and not outsiders. ----- When you have kids the hand of responsibility can weigh heavy on you, having said that the rewards and clarity marriage and children have brought to my life exceeds anything I’d experienced during single life.----- Marriage defines my life; I am no longer looking for that special place or person, because I have found them both and life is that much better for it. ----- They say home is where your heart is and home for me is in the hearts and minds of my wife and children. ----- How could anyone in their right mind consider destroying their own home and lives of the people they love? -----Absolute happiness is what we all seek, for me a loving and monogamous marriage works.
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 11:23 PM
Joined: 09/09/2008
Posts: 78

First off, if you were honest and had morals, you would not post anonymous. As to your post, if you are not one of the people in the tryst, then it is none of your business , mind your own, live your life the way you want and what others do, is none of your business.
Posted: Saturday, October 16, 2010 11:56 PM
Bollocks Captain Erik. It's a pain in the arse when a fellow crew member, particularly the Captain is bangin' someone else on the side. It has zero to do with morals or posting anonymous. I have worked on several boats where a crew member, usually the righteous Captain, is shagging around on his Mrs.. Particularly if he is shagging an opportunistic Stew on the boat it definately creates a difficult environment, except for him of course. It does become my business when he is fornicating with the crew and decisions are made with the wrong organ. If he is going over the hill in St Maarten to get his rocks off then I could not care less. There's obviously a difference.
Capt J
Posted: Sunday, October 17, 2010 2:01 AM
Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 6

I do not agree with someone cheating on their wife.  However, what relationship they have with their wife or agreement is THEIR business, not yours or anyone else's.  The news comes out in the wash sooner or later.

Is it any different for a captain and a crew member to have mutual relations, compared to just 2 crew members.  Again, I think this adds tension to the situation with the rest of the crew, and do not condone it.  But, the Captain is in charge of the ship and if you don't like his/her rules and how things go on, quit and jump ship.  Find another job.

I have been around this business a long long time, and was taught that whatever happens on the boat, stays on the boat.  For example, who the owner brings with him, what the owner does while on board, even who the owner of the yacht is, is not to be talked about on the dock or to anyone off of the vessel.  A yacht is a persons private possession, just like his home, and you are hired to maintain the vessel, provide a service to the owner, and keep it private.

 Average 3 out of 5