We could all use a good laugh these days. And these three jokes have the added benefit of being clean enough to tell your grandmother.
Bosun the Bird Dog
A guy treats himself to a hunting vacation with a high-brow outfitter. When he arrives at camp, the outfitter greets him with a tricked-out Jeep, a top-of-the-line rifle and an impeccably trained hunting dog named Bosun.
The hunt goes perfectly. The Jeep handles the terrain well, the rifle aims true and Bosun is the best bird dog this hunter has ever seen. As he settles his bill with the outfitter, he books a trip for the following year and says, “I want that same rifle, that same Jeep and Bosun.” The outfitter makes the note and our hunter departs.
The following year, the hunter arrives back at camp anxious to get started. The outfitter greets him and says, “Here’s the same rifle you used last year; I have your same Jeep gassed up and ready, and here is Ruger, he’ll be your bird dog this year. I’m afraid Bosun had a terrible accident.”
Concerned, the hunter asks, “Was he shot?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” says the outfitter. “One of our hunters accidentally called him Skipper for a week, and now all he does is stand around and bark at everybody.”
You’re Not Alone
One day, the chef wanders down to the crew lounge and finds the deckhand sitting on the settee staring wistfully out a porthole.
“Why so glum?” asks the chef.
“Oh, I don’t know,” says the deckie, “maybe it’s because we’ve done three back-to-back charters, but I’m just feeling down. It seems like I can’t do anything right. I feel so useless and alone.”
“Don’t worry,” says the chef, “you’re not alone…the rest of the crew thinks you’re useless, too.”
The Genie of the Lamp
A captain and his three crew members are enjoying a well-deserved morning off by taking a walk on a deserted beach. As they're walking along, they stumble upon what appears to be an antique oil lamp. The mate picks it up, shakes off a bit of sand and hands it to the chef.
The chef turns the lamp in his hands and passes it to the stew, who thinks she might be able to use it in a theme night table setting. She gives the lamp to the captain, who begins cleaning it off, when suddenly, a vortex of mystical vapors begins to pour from the spout. Within seconds, a genie appears.
“I am the genie of the lamp,” he says. “I will grant each of you one wish.”
The mate immediately says, “I want to be driving a Lamborghini Countach on the German autobahn with an exotic lingerie model in the passenger seat.” And just like that …poof!…he disappears.
The chef says, “I want to be holding a winning hand at a $100,000 table in Vegas.” Again, poof…he disappears.
The stewardess says, “I want to be on a romantic beach with my boyfriend in Bora Bora.” Poof…she’s gone.
The genie turns to the captain, who is standing with his hands on his hips, flushing red as he stares at the now-empty beach. “Well,” says the genie, “what is your wish?”
The captain says, “I want the three of them back here by lunch. I’m not washing down the boat by myself!”
Know any good crew jokes? Share them below.